02/16 2011

How to Quit Your Job

In this current economic climate, learning how to effectively quit your job is just as important as it is important to know how to find a job, because while some people don’t have enough jobs, others have too many. You only have one chance to leave your last impression, so make it count with this easy guide on how to effectively quit your job.

STEPS

  1. Find a job. This step may require some education, in which case you should reference the associated articles, How to Go to School, How to Have Skills and How to Be a COO’s Nephew.
  2. Become dissatisfied. This may be the hardest part. When you have a job, people will literally pay you money to sit and do nothing in an office, or drive cool equipment around some worksite. It is important to not only want to quit, but also to not enjoy your job, so as to make your quitting maximize its potential. So when you get a job, look for one you don’t like.
  3. Quit. There are two main options on quitting your job: the most popular method for quitting is verbal. You can tell your boss or a co-worker. Don’t try to make it fancy, a simple “I quit” is enough. Feel free to accent this with a finger pointed in someone’s face, or a raised fist on your way out of the office. The second-most popular option is to simply not show up to your job anymore. They will probably get the idea. You may also try to destroy the place where you work, but that may be considered excessive.
  4. Don’t return. Someone may try to contact you, and ask why you quit. Refer to Step 2.
  5. Find new job. Repeat!

TIPS

  • Friends or co-workers may suggest a “two weeks notice” standard for quitting your job. What are they, the boss of you?
  • Profanity is not advised for novice quitters. Only well experienced job quitters should attempt to employ profanity and screaming, with possible self-inflicted violence reserved for expert quitters.
  • If you find yourself at a job you are “happy” at, and do not want to quit, then you probably should quit immediately. Also notify your doctor. There is most likely a problem.