03/07 2011

How to Find Proper Skiing Attire at the Last Minute

It’s happened to everyone, at one time or another: You’re with a group of friends or visiting someone, when it’s decided that everyone should go on an impromptu skiing trip at the nearby mountain.

Of course, wouldn’t you know it? The heaviest thing you’ve packed is a fall jacket and a pair of jeans! You can rent skis and bindings, sure, but what about the rest? Never fear, proper skiing attire is just a few simple steps away.

STEPS

  1. Find a nice, isolated hill, one that isn’t very popular. Something pretty steep, so folks are getting good momentum heading down, but not too much that you can’t climb up or down it easily.
  2. Stake out a nice stand of trees or tall foliage just off of the trail.
  3. Find a nice, heavy fallen tree limb.
  4. Hide behind the widest tree that you can, just out of sight of the top of the hill.
  5. Wait.
  6. When a lone skiier is coming down, looking to be about your size, get ready- timing is key.
  7. At just the right moment, step out, wielding the limb at either chest or head-height. Your preference.
  8. Quickly, pull the fallen skiier off of the trail and into the bushes.
  9. “Borrow” the jacket, gloves, ski-pants, etc.
  10. Put them on.
  11. Get out of there.
  12. Rejoin your friends at the lodge and enjoy a fun day on the slopes!

TIPS

  • Be sure to remove all identification from the “borrowed” items. DO NOT take the wallet. That would make you a common thief.
  • If possible, turn some of the items inside-out to make them less recognizable.
  • Don’t act suspicious. Do normal things like have fun and drink hot chocolate and challenge some loser kid to a ski race for the fate of the lodge.
  • If it is an exceptionally cold day, an anonymous note left at the Ski Patrol station about some “unknown drunk passed out next to the Devil’s Mouth slope” will help assuage any guilt.
  • When finished for the day, remove the “borrowed” items and leave them, folded neatly, at the lost & found.